Stumble
by TheGirlWithKaleidoscopeEyes
Summary: You can't help who you fall in love with. That's what my Mama always used to tell me.
1. Chapter 1

**Stumble**

**Chapter One**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Stumble by Natasha Bedingfield.

– _I'm not the kind of girl you bring to mother –_

You can't help who you fall in love with. That's what my Mama always used to tell me. Every time I asked her why she put up with my father, that was her answer. You can't help who you fall in love with.

My daddy wasn't a nice man, to put it lightly. While he never laid a hand on me, he used to beat my mother something fierce. I hated having to watch it again and again. Especially since she never did anything about it.

She could have left him, _should_ have left him, so many times. But she never did. Not once did Mama ever seem to consider packing her bags and walking out the door. Life would have been so much easier if she had.

Maybe, if she had, I wouldn't be as screwed up as I am. Maybe I would have had a chance at a normal life. Maybe I wouldn't have hated myself so much. Maybe other people wouldn't have hated me so much. And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have gotten my heartbroken so many times.

But, like Mama always used to say, you can't help who you fall in love with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Stumble**

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or My Immortal by Evanescence.

– _Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind – _

The cool autumn breeze whipped my hair around my face. I was staring blankly ahead of me, my eyes focused on the object of all the pain in my life. There he stood, clothed in black, hands folded in front of him, a look of sorrow on his face.

But he wasn't sad. How could he be? This was all his fault. It was because of him that we stood here today, surrounded by old friends and estranged family members.

The preacher droned on and on, but I'd long since stopped listening to him. How could I ever again believe that there was such a thing as 'God'? How does one go on believing such foolishness after such a tragedy? The one good thing in my life had been taken from me so cruelly and suddenly.

The was no good in this life, whether it be here or in some make-believe kingdom in the clouds. None of it existed. It was all a lie made up so that somebody could make money off of other people's gullibility.

I continued to stare at the man that I had once called my father. My hate for him had never been as strong as it was at that moment. As I stared at his fake hurt I just wanted to jump across the six-foot hole before me and show him the meaning of pain. That urge got stronger and stronger with each condolence he accepted.

People shouldn't be pitying him, they shouldn't be feeling sorry for him or trying to console him. They should be condemning him to a life of torture and hatred. If only they knew what I knew. If only they knew what he had done to her, said to her in those final moments.

But, instead, he was seen as the grieving husband. And what was I? I was the ingrate. A heartless piece of filth. I didn't deserve to breath the same air as them. But what had I ever done? Nothing. Everybody thought that I was the problem. But it wasn't me, it was him.

Still, though, no one asked me if I was alright. No one tried to console me. No one was there to make sure that I didn't fall off the edge. And I was going to. I was getting so close that I could almost feel myself falling.

I was sitting on the curb in front of my house later, a cigarette between my lips. I was trying to forget. Forget everything. Forget my mother. Forget my father. Forget my life. I just wanted to fade into blackness and be forgotten.

Moments earlier I had stood in my room, trying to decide what to take with me when I left. But as I stood there, surrounded by all my possessions, a thought occurred to me. I had nowhere to go. I had no friends. I had no family.

I was alone. Forgotten already.

I threw my cigarette away in anger. Bringing my legs up close to me, I buried my head in my knees.

"You goin' to that party at Merrill's tonight?" I heard a male voice question.

"Yeah, probably, nothing better to do," a second male voice answered.

"Nah, man, you're just goin' for the free booze," a third guy laughed.

My head perked up a bit at the promise of free alcohol. If you can't forget your sorrows, drown them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Stumble**

**Chapter Three**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin.

– _Something's just about to break –_

I pulled my jacket tighter around me as I made my way down the street. The guy I'd heard earlier had said 'Merrill's'. I could only assume that he had meant Buck Merrill, a local cowboy who was always throwing parties.

As I neared the house I knew that I had been right in my assumption. There was pounding music coming from someplace nearby and I could practically smell the alcohol in the air.

My pace quickened as my destination came into view. All I wanted was to get drunk out of my mind and maybe have one night of peace.

As I entered the house I realized that I would find no peace here. In fact, I would find just the opposite. It was still early, but there were already drunks and a bar-room brawl. I managed to manoeuver my way through the crowd with great difficulty. Being invisible isn't easy.

I made my way into the kitchen. There was a fridge and quite a few coolers which I could only assume were full of beer. I opened the lid of the cooler nearest me and grabbed a bottle. Coors. Good enough for me.

I went back into the living room and looked around. There were people dancing, a poker game going on, and, creepily enough, some blonde girl sitting in the corner of the room giving a disgusted look to a tall red-haired boy with sideburns and the girl he was dancing with. They both seemed oblivious to her watchful eyes.

As I watched the scene unfold before me a shadow cast itself over me. I looked up into the eyes of Buck Merrill himself.

I stared at him, waiting for him to justify his presence here next to me. "You gonna pay for that?" he grumbled.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You gonna pay for that?" he repeated, more forcefully this time.

It took me a minute to realize that he was referring to the beer in my hand. "I thought drinks were free," I answered, dumbly.

"Only to people I know," he informed me. "Who the hell are you?"

"I don't have any money," I told him.

Anger flashed on his face and his eyes raked themselves over my body. He smirked slightly. "There's other ways you can pay for it," he said, staring at my chest.

I was too shocked to answer him. No guy had ever _really_ spoken to me before, and now suddenly one wanted to sleep with me?

"Leave 'er alone, Buck," a voice brought me out of my daze. I turned to see a boy with platinum blonde hair and blue eyes standing behind me. I turned back to Buck to see what his response would be. Surprisingly, he didn't object, but just stalked off.

I shouldn't be here. I put my Coors down on a nearby table and began heading for the door when an arm caught me and turned me back around.

"Aint'cha gonna tell me yer name?" it was the blonde boy from before.

"Why do you care?" I asked.

"I just saved you," he said with a slight laugh. "I think I deserve to know yer name."

"Morgan," I sighed and turned to leave again. But, again, he caught me.

"Aint'cha gonna ask for mine?" he questioned.

"You gonna give me a choice?" I said, sounding bored.

"What's yer problem?" he snapped, suddenly getting angry.

"Sorry, but I don't take too kindly to guys who're only looking to score," I shot back at him.

"Who said that's all I want?" he looked confused.

"Your eyes," I answered him truthfully.

He released my arm and it fell limply to my side. "You know what?" he said quietly. "You ain't even worth it."

"People been tellin' me that my whole life," I mumbled to myself as he walked away from me.

I left the party and began to walk back in the direction of my house. A black Mustang was circling the block I was on, it slowed a bit as it passed me every time. _This is not what I need right now_, I thought to myself.

After a few more laps of the block, the car pulled up next to me. "Hey grease," one of them howled, and the rest of them started cat-calling. I just kept walking, doing my best to ignore them. The car stopped and they got out. "Where you goin'?" one of them called out to me.

I was about to pick up my pace and make a run for it when one of them grabbed my wrist. This was just not my night. He turned me around to face him. "No need to be rude, honey," he smirked.

"Let 'er go," a voice called out. The boy holding my wrist turned, but him and all his friends obstructed my view of my would-be hero.

"And what're you gonna do if I don't?" the boy called back, disbelievingly.

"You don't wanna know," the voice warned.

The boy holding me seemed pretty reckless, his friends, though, were casting each other uneasy glances. "Let's just get outta here," one of them suggested.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Hold her." He pushed me towards his friend and starting pushing up his sleeves as he walked towards the source of the voice.

"Man, gettin' my ass kicked ain' my idea o'fun," one friend whispered to another.

"Yeah, let's get outta here," was the reply and general consensus. I was pushed to the ground before the boys left, dragging their leader with them.

I looked up to see who it was that had saved me. The blonde haired boy. God, he saves me twice in one night. He must be desperate for some action.

"So, who are you?" I finally asked. "And why were they scared o'you?"

He grinned down at me, wickedly. "I'm the one your mama warned ya about."


	4. Chapter 4

**Stumble**

**Chapter Four**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Boston by Augustana.

– _You don't know me, You don't wear my chains –_

"You been waitin' all night to say that, haven't you?" I asked, as I continued to stare up at him.

He laughed a little bit. "Get up."

I did as I was told and began walking home again. The boy caught up with me and began walking beside me. I gave him a sideways glance. "You stalkin' me now?"

"I saved yer life twice, don't be such a bitch," he commented. "And I gotta go this way, anyways."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine," I sighed. "So, what _is_ yer name?"

"Dallas Winston," he replied as he lit a cigarette. He held the pack out and offered me one. I took it and he struck a match. "Yer Morgan, right?"

"Yeah," I said simply, not able to think of some snide remark. "Morgan Starr."

"Starr," he mulled it over for a moment. "Like the Beatle?"

"Yeah, like the Beatle," I laughed.

"You don't like the Beatles, do you?" he asked.

"They're not bad," I replied with a shrug. He gave me a sideways glance and shook his head. He mumbled something that wasn't quite audible, but I knew he was cussing them out.

We walked in silence for a little while after that. It wasn't an awkward silence, though. It's weird, but I was already feeling safe with his guy. This complete stranger.

I turned another corner, and he did the same. "Okay, now you're stalking me," I said.

"Nope," he replied, taking another drag off his cigarette. "The place I'm headed is just up here."

I came to a stop in front of my house. "Well, this is me," I told him.

"A'right," he replied. "I guess I'll see y'round."

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged. We both just stood there for a moment. Now the silence was awkward. "Well, thanks for-," I was cut off when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a kiss. We broke away after a moment, but still stayed close together. "I'm not the kinda person you wanna get involved with," I whispered, my eyes shut tight.

"I could say the same thing to you," I opened my eyes, he was staring down at me.

"You're dangerous," I told him and he smirked a bit. "I have real problems."

The last thing I saw before I turned away from him, was his face falling in disappointment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Stumble  
Chapter Five******

**  
Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Ohio Is For Lovers by Hawthorne Heights.

_-- You never stop until my final breath is gone --_

I entered my house that night with every intention of going straight to my room and sleeping for a few days. My mother's funeral, nearly getting raped, twice, this Dallas guy kissing me, it had been a very long and overwhelming day. I just needed sleep.

But, it's never that simple, is it?

"Where've you been?" my father grumbled at me as I passed through the living room. He was drunk, I could already tell.

"Why do you care?" I shot back and continued walking.

"Morgan, don't you walk away from me when I'm talking to you," he bellowed, slowly getting to his feet.

"I don't wanna hear what you have to say," I snapped.

"I am your father," he shouted. I spun around to face him.

"You are no such thing," I spat, like the words themselves were venomous. "You are nothing."

That's when it happened. For the first time ever, my father hit me. I stumbled back, hitting the wall with a terrible thud, I didn't feel it though, it was like everything was happening in slow motion.

I looked up at my father. His eyes were blazing with a fire I'd never seen before. In all the times he'd hit my mother, he had never been this mad.

I could taste blood in my mouth and I spit it onto the hardwood floor at my feet. I knew he was still staring at me, I could feel his eyes. "Hit a nerve, huh?" I whispered, knowing that he would hit me again. At least I had been expecting this blow. But it didn't stop there, he kept going.

I think part of me was hoping he'd kill me. But, it's never that simple, is it?


	6. Chapter 6

**Stumble **

**Chapter Six **

**Disclaimer** - I do not own The Outsiders. Or Standing In The Rain by Billy Talent.

_-- And if you want me, well, I guess I want you __-- _

I needed out of this house. It had been a little more than a week since my fathers beating and I needed out. I hadn't been out since that fateful night. I had been holed up in my room, trying to recover.

I made my way down the hall, being as quiet as possible so I could avoid another confrontation with my father. I crept to the door and opened it, amazed at who I saw on the other side. Vanessa. What was _she_ doing here?

"Nessa?" I asked, trying to make sure that this wasn't just some dream I was having.

"Hey, Morgan," she said, trying to smile at me, but I could tell it was forced.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned, still astonished at the fact that she was standing on the front porch.

"Mom died," she answered, her eyes glazing over with tears. "I wanted to get here sooner, in time for her funeral, but…I just couldn't, y'know?"

I nodded my head. Vanessa was my fourteen-year-old sister. I hardly ever saw her, though, because she went to this fancy boarding school for art students in Atlanta. She only ever came home for the summer and Christmas.

But now, here she stood, hair pushed behind her ears, her blouse wrinkled, and her suitcase in hand. I couldn't believe it.

Then a thought struck me. _What was I going to do with her?_ My father was an abusive man, I couldn't leave her alone with him, could I? My father had _always_ liked Nessa better. Probably the reason he paid the expensive tuition for her school while I had to go to Will Rogers High.

I wanted to stay with her, but I couldn't stay in that house a moment longer. "Look, I gotta go, but why don't you go unpack and stuff," I told her. "I'm sure you had a long trip and all."

She nodded and silently made her way into the house, down the hall and into the bedroom that belonged to her. I watched until her door was shut and then I left.

I knew exactly where I was going, even though I could hardly believe it myself. I didn't think I would ever go back there, at least, not by choice. But I needed an escape, and I knew that I could find one there.

I made my way down the street and already I could hear the sound of Hank Williams. I cringed a bit and started to second guess if I should be going there. But I was so close now, I couldn't turn back. I didn't want to turn back.

I entered Buck Merrill's house and immediately went to the kitchen. Buck was in there this time, hunched over and loading the fridge with bottles. I looked down at one of the coolers on the floor. I leaned down and grabbed a bottle, I had a little cash in my pocket this time.

"How much?" I asked. He jumped a bit when I spoke, then turned to look at me. He smirked.

"Didn't expect to see you 'round here again," he commented.

"How much?" I repeated.

"For a pretty little thing like you," he said, considering it. "Ten cents."

I pulled a dime out of my pocket and placed it on the counter next to me. Then I turned and left.

I walked around the house for a while, taking it all in. Suddenly I was stopped by a boy. He smiled down at me. "Hello," he greeted. He seemed a bit drunk.

"Hi," I replied, deciding to play it nice.

"I ain't never seen you before," he slurred. "You new 'round here?"

"No," I answered. "I just don't get out much."

He laughed, thinking it had been a joke. I let him laugh, not caring either way.

"So, uh, you wanna go upstairs?" my my, boys around here don't beat around the bush do they?

I was going to flat out refuse, take my bottle and go, but then a thought occurred to me. I couldn't keep living with my father. I needed out. He had beat my mother to death and it was just a matter of time before he did the same to me.

So, I sucked up all the courage I had and said, "What's it worth to ya?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Stumble**

**Chapter Seven**

**Disclaimer**- I do not own the Outsiders. Or Cute Without The 'E' by Taking Back Sunday.

_-- This all was only wishful thinking –_

Twenty-five dollars. I'd sold my soul for twenty-five dollars. I felt so dirty, so violated. And yet, it was my fault. I could've said no. But I didn't. This was all my fault.

I stood from the bed and quietly collected my things. I was alone now. He'd left shortly after he'd finished. I didn't even know his name. I got dressed and ran a hand through my hair. I took a deep breath and tried to regain some of my composure before going back out there.

I made my way down the hall and back into the main part of the house. The party was still in full swing. I found it odd that I could be in so much pain – both emotional and physical – and these people could all be so oblivious to it. I felt like I was screaming although I wasn't making a sound.

I quickly left, not able to stay there a moment longer. I went directly home, not caring if my father was there or not. When I entered my house it was dark. I went past the living room. It was empty and the TV was off. I assumed my father wasn't home. I went to my room.

I threw myself onto my bed and buried my head in my pillow. The tears were just about to spill over when there was a soft knock on my bedroom door. I took a deep, quivering breath and pushed the tears back.

"Yeah?" I called. The door slowly opened and Vanessa stepped in. She came to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Hey," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"Just…out," I couldn't tell her the truth.

"You alright?" she questioned, giving me a concerned look. She must have seen the tears I was trying so hard to hide.

"Yeah," I assured her. "There's just been a lot going on. It's been overwhelming."

"I understand," she replied.

_No, you don't understand_, I thought. _I hope you never do_.

I noticed she was looking a little uneasy. "Are _you_ alright?" I asked.

"Um, well," she stammered. "There's another reason I'm home. They caught me smoking in the bathroom and I was, well, I was…expelled."

I sighed deeply. "Okay," I told her. "We'll get you enrolled at Will Rogers tomorrow."

She smiled at me, "Thanks, Morgan."

"It's late, Nessa," I replied. "Go to bed."

She nodded and left. I sighed and lay back on my pillow again. My mother was dead. My father was beating me. Vanessa was staying. I had just sold my own virginity for twenty-five dollars. And I would have to do it again. I was going to need money if I was going to get out of here, if I was going to put Nessa through school.

I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. I was going to have to grow up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Stumble**

**Chapter Eight**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own the Outsiders. Or Someday by Nickleback.

_-- I'm gonna make it alright but not right now –_

Life went on after that night. It didn't seem like it should, but it did. Vanessa started at Will Rogers. She seemed to like it, I mean, as much as a person can like school and still be considered human. I was avoiding my dad as much as was humanly possible. He hadn't managed to get his hands on me yet and I was aiming to keep it that way.

And I kept sleeping with guys for money.

And I hated myself for it.

One afternoon, I was in the driveway, the hood of my dad's car open, trying to figure out why it wouldn't work. Now, I'm not so bright when it comes to cars. I can fill it with gas, I can check the oil, but not much else.

I looked up when I heard voices coming near me. Vanessa was coming down the street accompanied by two boys. At least she was making friends at school. Even better, she wasn't walking home alone.

"Hey, Morgan," she called as she came up the driveway, followed by the two boys.

I looked up at her and smiled. "How was school?" I asked.

"Fine," she replied with a shrug. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Tryin' to get the car to start," I told her, then looked over at her friends. "Who's this?"

"Oh, this is Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade," she introduced. "This is my sister Morgan."

"Hi," the one named Ponyboy said, shoving his hands into his pockets. Johnny just gave me a nervous smile and went back to staring at his shoes.

"Nice to meet ya," I replied and went back to looking at the engine and all the other confusing gizmos under the hood.

"Havin' trouble?" Ponyboy asked me.

I sighed. "Yeah," I admitted. He stuck his head under the hood too and looked around for a moment.

"I think you need a new spark plug," he told me. "Soda probably has one." He was looking at Johnny who nodded his head.

"Who?" I asked.

"My brother," he answered. "If you guys wanna come to my house I can ask 'im." His voice was hopeful and I didn't miss the quick glance he gave Nessa while he was saying it. I looked at my sister, biting her lip in that way she does, her eyes practically begging me to say yes.

"A'right," I agreed and they both smiled. I glanced at Johnny, he rolled his eyes.

So we followed them down the street to Ponyboy's house. It wasn't a very big place. The gate was rusty and gave a horrible '_squeak_' when we pushed it open. The front lawn was composed mostly of weeds and what little grass there was, was yellow. It was pretty average for this neighbourhood.

Inside on the couch there were three boys. Two of them I didn't recognize, one of them I did.

"What the hell are you doin' here?" Dallas Winston asked me. I was too surprised by his sudden presence in my life again to answer him.

"You guys know each other?" Pony asked, glancing back and forth between us. I shook my head in an attempt to bring myself back to my senses.

"No, not exactly," I answered. "He saved my from some Socs a couple of weeks ago."

"Really?" one of the other guys on the couch questioned, looking at Dallas. He didn't say anything, he was too busy glaring at me.

"Oh, sorry," Pony quickly said, realizing he hadn't introduced us. "Vanessa, Morgan, this is my brother Soda, and Steve Randle, and that's Dallas Winston. Guys, this is Vanessa and Morgan Starr."

"Hi," I greeted, giving Soda and Steve a small smile. They both greeted us back.

"Soda, do we got a spark plug that Morgan could have?" Pony asked for me.

"Uh, yeah, I think so," he replied, getting up and going further into the house. "Yeah, found one."

"You think you could show me how to use that thing?" I asked. "I have no idea what it is I'm doin'."

"No problem," Soda replied and him and Steve followed me back to my house. Nessa stayed there to hang out with Pony and Johnny.

And Dallas? Well, he didn't stop giving me that glare until I left.


	9. Chapter 9

**Stumble**

**Chapter Nine**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own The Outsiders. Or Prayin' For Daylight by Rascal Flatts.

_-- Prayin' for daylight, Waitin' for that mornin' sun –_

I hate the nighttime. It's the time of day I dread most. I hate the dark, maybe it's a fear of the unknown…maybe it's something more. But I think I really hate what night brings with it most. Night is always accompanied by a trip to Buck's.

"I wanna drink for free," I demanded upon seeing Buck standing in his kitchen doorway.

"Sorry, honey, you know the rules," he replied. "Only people I know."

"You know me fine, Buck," I said, struggling to keep my voice calm. "And I know you know what I do here."

"Hmm," he mumbled, not verifying what I'd said, but not denying it either.

"So, then you know that I'm the reason for a lot of guys being here," I reasoned. "And they buy beer from you, so you make money. But I can't do what I do unless I'm drunk. So, Buck, I can either take my business elsewhere and you lose _a lot_ of money, or I can drink for free and you don't."

"Fine, Morgan," he caved. "You drink for free."

I smiled, "Thank you."

I took a bottle from the fridge and popped the cap off before making my way out into the living-room-turned-dance-hall. I looked around for any potential clients. I usually didn't make a move first. I couldn't very well seduce a guy and then make him pay for it. I waited for them to approach me.

Most of the guys were regulars. I saw them a lot and they knew what to do. They would come to me, tell me what they wanted. We would work out a price and then get a room. And all the while my stomach was churning and I was wishing that it wasn't nighttime. It didn't matter how drunk I got, I always remembered it. But I drank because it made me forget what I was doing and how it was going to make me feel.

I drank because it made me forget how much I hated myself.

Forget how much I wanted to die.

I got home that night twenty dollars richer. I went to my room and stashed it in a jar under my bed with the rest of my money. Suddenly my door swung open and in bounced Vanessa.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked, trying to sound interested but really resenting her for being able to smile when I felt like I did.

"I have good news," she grinned.

_Ain't no such thing_, I thought but said "What is it?"

"Tomorrow, I have a date with…," she paused for dramatic effect. "Ponyboy!"

Over the past few weeks she developed a sort of crush on the boy, but now, seeing her grinning from ear to ear, I could tell it was a little bit more than that. I envied her. I envied her for being able to be around boys and feel comfortable. I envied her for being able to like a boy this much. I envied her for having a boy like her back. But, mostly, I envied her for getting the chance I never did.

A chance at a normal life.


	10. Chapter 10

**Stumble**

**Chapter Ten**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own the Outsiders. Or When I Get Home Your So Dead by Mayday Parade.

_--You want to start over but never start over – _

"You're not doin' anything, just come!" Vanessa pleaded. She was going over to the Curtis' and was trying to get me to come with her. "You never do anything anymore, Morgan. You go out to God-knows-where every night and then sit inside all day. I'm startin' to worry about you."

I could tell by the look in her eyes that she meant it, too. She often gave me that look. The one that said 'I wish I knew, I wish I could help'. But, even if she did know, she couldn't help me. It's probably better that she remains clueless, anyway. No good could come from her knowing how I paid for her things. She still thought it was our old man's money.

I was going to refuse and I guess she could tell because her eyes glazed over with tears. I sighed. "A'right, Nessa, I'll come. But just for a while," I caved.

She grinned widely and let go of my wrist, which she had been using to try and get me off my bed. "Okay, c'mon," she said, eagerly. I couldn't help but smile a bit as she made her way towards my bedroom door. It was the first time I had felt any shred of happiness in a long time.

We walked there in silence, Nessa grinning all the way. I wasn't sure if she was happy because she finally got me to come along, or if it was because she was going to hang out with the only friends she had in this town, or if it was because she was going to see Ponyboy.

It had been about a week since their first date, they had been on another since, and were planning to go out again tonight. She really liked him, I could tell, and if I had been capable of feeling anything but misery, I probably would have been happy for her.

When we arrived we walked in without knocking, as Vanessa had been instructed to do weeks ago. "Hey, guys," she called through the house.

"Hey, Nessy!" a boy I didn't know called back. "Who's 'at?"

"This is Morgan, y'know, my sister," Vanessa explained. "I told you 'bout her."

If I had really been paying attention I might have been flattered by what she said, but, as it was, I wasn't paying attention. My eyes had locked with the cold blue ones of Dallas Winston. _Why can't I get rid of this guy?_ I thought to myself.

Vanessa was introducing the boy who'd spoken as Two-bit Matthews and another boy I didn't know as Darry Curtis. I tore my eyes away from Dally's glare to give the two a forced smile. I hoped it didn't look too forced, but I could tell by the looks on there faces that it did.

Vanessa took a seat on the couch next to Ponyboy and I sat in an arm chair, pulling my knees up close to my face and resting my chin on them. I looked down at the floor, letting my hair fall into my face. I wasn't comfortable around guys. I was very uneasy and anxious. I wasn't used to them being nice and not trying to get me into bed.

So I sat silently, waiting for a time when I could make my escape.

I looked up at one point to see Nessa staring at my worriedly, biting her lip. Ponyboy was looking back and forth between us. I knew he wanted to ask her about me but couldn't as long as I was in the room. So I got up and went to sit on the porch, deciding this was a good time to get some air.

I sat on the porch steps and sighed, looking around the neighbourhood. It was getting late, twilight had already begun to leave us as the moon rose.

Suddenly the porch door swung open behind me and out stepped Dallas. He leaned against the porch railing and looked down at me. "Thought you left," he said around the cigarette between his lips. I just shrugged. He looked out at the street and blew his smoke into the air, watching it lazily float away.

I shuddered as it got visibly darker. "Whatsa matter?" Dally asked, obviously having noticed. "You scared o' the dark or somethin'?" His voice was mocking but his eyes were serious.

"Yeah, somethin' like that," I whispered.

"Well don't be," he replied. "Ain't nothin' more scary out there now than there is in the daylight." I wasn't sure how he'd come to such a conclusion, but I could tell he really believed it.

The screen door opened again and this time it was Pony and Nessa who came out. "We're headin' to the movies now," my sister told me.

"A'right, have fun," I replied as they walked away. "I guess I'll go home then." I said to Dallas.

"I'll walk ya," he offered, pushing himself into a standing position.

"No, no," I said as I stood. "I'll be fine."

"You sure?" he questioned.

"Yeah," I answered. "G'night, Dallas."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite," he said as he took another drag of his cigarette. I smiled at that and even let a small laugh escape my lips. I don't know why I found it so funny, but it was good to laugh. He was smiling too, a real, genuine smile. It was something I'd never seen before, but I liked it. It suited him for some reason.

As I walked away from the house I suddenly felt a wave of disappointment. Maybe if I'd done things differently, Dallas could have a more important place in my life. Maybe he could mean something to me and not just be one of the guys my sister hung around with. Maybe if I'd just let him kiss me that night, my life could be completely different.

But, as it was, that just wasn't possible.


	11. Chapter 11

**Stumble**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own the Outsiders. Or Secrets Don't Make Friends by From First To Last.

_-- Secrets don't make friends –_

I was at Buck's again. Man, I hate it there. I had only just arrived and was surveying the room, looking for any potential business. That's all it was to me anymore. Business. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

I was leaning on one of the tables, talking to a boy. He was trying, and failing miserably might I add, to flirt with me. I knew this wasn't going anywhere. I also knew, though, that the longer I stood and made small talk with this guy, the less chance I had of getting picked up.

That's when I heard the voices. I'm not sure how exactly I managed to hear them over all the other noise in the room, but I did. Loud and clear.

"Man, c'mon, I can get my kicks on my own. I don't need to pay for it," an all-too familiar voice was saying. I couldn't place it for the life of me, though.

"Nah, nah, man, I'm serious. This girl is _good_. It's worth it," another was trying to reason.

Suddenly, someone grabbed my wrist and I was jerked around. I found myself staring into piercing blue eyes. They went wide with shock. "Morgan?" he asked.

"Shit," I whispered before taking off at a run.

I managed to get out the door and down the street a ways before Dallas caught me. "What the hell is goin' on?" he asked angrily. I didn't answer him, I couldn't even look him in the eye. "Tell me that that guy had it wrong, tell me he grabbed the wrong girl." Again, I was silent. "Shit, Morgan. So, this is yer 'real problems', huh?"

That's when I lost it, and I'm not even sure why. "No, Dallas," I replied, just as angry as he was. "This is how I keep my sister in school. This is how I keep a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food in her stomach!"

I was on the verge of tears, but Dally didn't seem to care. "There's other ways that you could do all that!" he yelled back at me.

"No there isn't," I replied, shaking my head and shutting my eyes tight to keep the tears from spilling over. "This is all I can do."

"Bull – shit," he said forcefully. I looked up at him. He was shaking his head like he didn't know what to say next. He had a disgusted look on his face.

I was waiting for him to say something. Call me a whore or a slut or something really nasty. But what he said next hit me harder than any of that would have. "Does Vanessa know?" his voice was calm now, and his eyes were serious.

I closed my eyes, feeling my lip quiver. I shook my head. "No," I answered. "Please, please don't tell her."

"On one condition," he replied.

"Anything," I whispered.

"You stop this, and you stop it now," he ordered.

"I can't," I sniffed.

"Yes, you can," he told me. "You don't need this. You can get a job. Do something else. Anything!"

"No, I didn't mean that. I meant I _can't_ stop," I said. It was the truth, too. As much as I hated what I was doing, it had become like an addiction. I couldn't stop.

"Well, you can't keep doin' it either," he replied.

I finally lifted my head to look at him, the tears in my eyes threatening to spill over. "Will – will you help me?" I stammered.

"What?" he asked.

"Please, Dallas," I begged. "I can't do this on my own. I need your help."

"What the hell can I do?" he questioned.

"Just keep me away from here," I pleaded.

He looked around, obviously uneasy. "I dunno, Morgan," he answered. "Can'tcha get someone else to help ya?"

"That would involve telling someone else, which I'm not gonna do," I replied. "And besides, no on else cares."

"What makes you think I care?" he asked, his head snapping back in my direction.

"The fact that you're tryin' to make me stop," I told him quietly.

He sighed. "Fine, c'mon."

He turned and walked away, down the street in the direction of my house. I took a few quick steps to catch up with him and began walking beside him. I stared at the ground all the way home.

Dallas stopped in front of my gate and lit a cigarette. "You come to Soda's tomorrow, y'hear?"

I nodded my head. "Okay."

Then, for the first time that night, he looked me in the eye. I saw sympathy and it surprised me. I thought he was repulsed by me. I never expected him to feel sorry for me. His eyes only locked on mine for a second, though, and soon he was walking down the street again.

I sighed and made my way up the front walk to my door. When I reached it I turned and looked down the street in the direction that Dallas had gone.

He was standing on the street corner, looking back at me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Stumble**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own the Outsiders. Or Three Cheers for Five Years by Mayday Parade.

_-- And you'd help me out of the dark – _

Vanessa had been surprised the next morning when I'd offered to go to the Curtis' with her. She had said yes, of course.

And that's how I got there. Sitting on that chair in the corner, my knees pulled up into my chest, my eyes directed at the TV screen. Everyone around me was happily bustling about getting ready for this or that. I was happy to sit there and be left alone as they all did their own thing and ignored me.

Of course, not _everyone_ was happily bustling about. I could feel Dallas' eyes boring holes into the side of my head from where he stood, leaning in the kitchen doorway. I looked up at him once. He didn't even make an attempt to look away.

His staring made me feel guilty. As if I was doing something wrong by just sitting there and keeping my mouth shut. It was like he was waiting for me to screw up somehow. Although I'm sure it wasn't his intention to make me feel like that. At least, I hoped it wasn't.

Then again, guilt is a good tool to use while trying to get someone to obey your will…

But, if Dallas was trying to make me feel guilty, it was completely unnecessary. I was there, wasn't I? That had to say something. I wanted out. I'd asked for his help. He'd told me to come. I was there.

Soon after, Vanessa, Ponyboy, Johnny, Steve and Two-bit left for school. Sodapop and Darry went to work. I was left alone with Dallas.

He sat down on the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table. He took a long drag on his cigarette and blew the smoke in front of him. The tension was building. I knew he wanted to say something. I was scared of what it would be.

Finally, he sighed. "Thought you weren't gonna show."

I turned my head slightly to look at him, he was staring straight ahead. "Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged. "Just didn't think you would."

"You don't trust me," I stated.

"Why should I?" he questioned, looking at me now.

I didn't have an answer to that. In all truth, he shouldn't trust me. I barely trusted myself.

"How could ya do that to yerself?" I heard him ask. I don't think it was directed at me, he was just thinking aloud. But I answered him anyway.

At first I was going to go into my rant about wanting the best for Nessa, and yes, I suppose that was part of it…but there was more.

"I hated it at first," I began. "I still hate, but it's different now. So much changed all at once. Maybe that was just how I decided to deal with it." I'm not sure if I was trying to explain it to Dallas, or myself. "It really hurt at first. I don't mean, like, physically - I mean it…_hurt_. And then, eventually, I just became numb."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes and spill over, silently flowing over my cheeks. I reached up and touched them, not believing they were real. I hadn't cried in so long. I hadn't felt any _real_ emotion in so long.

"Not so numb anymore, huh?" I heard Dallas whisper. I had almost forgotten he was there.

As I stared at my wet finger tips, shining with salty tears, I realized he was right. I wasn't numb anymore. Something about Dallas Winston had warmed me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Stumble**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own the Outsiders. Or Thanks For The Memories by Fallout Boy.

_-- He tastes like you only sweeter –_

My life went on like that for awhile after that day. I spent weeks at the Curtis house, the reason for my presence unbeknownst to anyone besides Dallas and myself. It became second nature, then, like a ritual, then, suddenly, it was something important. It was something I needed.

It seemed as though I wouldn't be able to get through the day without that little trip to the house up the street. It was like I needed those hours alone in that house with Dallas. I was more comfortable around him all of a sudden. It was like the first night we'd met…I barely knew him, but I trusted him, felt safe with him.

But then I began to realize something; why was Dallas here? Day after day? He had no responsibilities, no commitments. He could be out doing whatever he wanted. So, why was he here with me? Why was he helping me?

It's not like I was worth it. He'd said that himself.

"What the hell are you talkin' about?" was his reply to this question.

"You know what I'm talking about," I said. "Why are you here with me every day? You don't have to be."

"Like hell I don't," he shot back. "If I wasn't here you'd still be out there screwing every-other guy that came along."

His words stung a bit, but I didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing it. "But why do you care? It's not like you should."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the bitterness in his voice subsided for a moment.

"Nobody's ever cared about me," I answered quietly, watching my hands as I picked the stuffing out of the couch.

"Well that's just stupid," I heard him say. I looked up to see him staring indifferently at the TV screen. He took a swig from the Pepsi bottle in his hands.

"What d'you mean?" I asked tentatively.

"Nobody ever cared about you? Bull." He replied. "What about your sister?"

"Alright," I sighed. "That's one. Who else?"

"I'm sure there's somebody," he answered quietly, still staring at the TV.

"Oh, yeah? Who?" I knew I was probably pushing my luck with this one. My thoughts were confirmed when he didn't answer.

I sighed. Leaving my chair, I went into the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I didn't hear the footsteps approaching me, but suddenly someone had my wrist and yanked me around. Coming face to face with Dallas Winston, I started. But then, out of nowhere, his lips were on mine and he was kissing me for the second time.

It wasn't that extraordinarily different from any of the other guys I'd kissed. He was exactly gentle about it, but there was still a quality to it which I enjoyed. Maybe it was just because it was Dallas, or maybe it was because this was a welcome kiss. I knew in that moment, that, deep down, part of me wanted this.

When we pulled away from each other and I was staring into those startling blue eyes again, I felt nothing but fear. It hit me like a cold gust of wind.

Why was he doing this? What did he want from me? Was he just using me? Is this why he stuck with for so long? What were his intentions?

With these questions and so many more running through my mind, I turned and darted from the house.

I think what scared me most, though, was that I didn't think I'd ever be able to go back, and I knew, with every fiber of my being, that I needed Dallas.


	14. Chapter 14

**Stumble**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Disclaimer** – I do not own the Outsiders. Or Far Away by Nickelback.

_-- I love you, I loved you all along --_

I couldn't believe what I was doing. I hated myself. I felt like throwing up. I felt like screaming. I felt like killing myself.

But mostly, I felt like I couldn't stop.

I turned another corner and there it was. The three storey ranch house. Probably the nicest house on the east side. Buck Merril's place.

I stopped when I reached the front walk. Was I really going to do this? I stared up at it. I was drawn to it the way a moth is drawn to light. I couldn't help myself. I was entranced by it.

I was just about to take another step when a voice behind me spoke.

"You ain't goin' in there," it called.

I was snapped out of my trance. I turned quickly to see who had spoken. What I saw surprised me, and I'm not sure why. There, leaning against the hood of a Thunderbird that I'm sure wasn't his, a cigarette dangling dangerously from his lips, stood none other than Dallas Winston.

I looked down at my feet and sighed. "Okay," I replied.

"Get in the car," he told me. I silently obeyed.

I didn't know where we were going, but it wasn't my house, and it wasn't the Curtis place. After awhile I decided that he wasn't taking me anywhere, he was just driving around town. He was probably trying to think of something really nasty to say.

Finally, he opened his mouth. "What were you thinkin', Morgan?"

I shrugged and continued to stare at the dashboard.

There was silence for a few more minutes, until –

"Why did you kiss me?" I was looking at Dallas now. He shifted uncomfortably and I saw his knuckles go white as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Suddenly, I understood. That's why he hadn't answered me when I'd asked him who else cared about me. It's not that there was nobody else, it's that he was to scared to tell me who. He cared about me.

Dallas cared.

I hadn't realized it, but he'd pulled onto my street and was coming to a halt outside my house. I looked over at him.

"Thank you," I whispered. He looked at me.

And, for the first time, _I_ kissed _him_.


	15. Chapter 15

**Stumble**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or My Favourite Book by Stars.

_-- Shattered but not lonely –_

Dallas was still sitting outside my house when I went in. I think he was too shocked to do much else. He had gladly given in to the kiss, but then I'd gotten out of the car and made my way to the front door. I think it surprised him. But that didn't matter, because, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, I was happy again.

Too bad all good things have to come to an end.

When I walked inside, I found my dad on the couch. I thought he was passed out at first, but as I passed by him, he moved. "Morgan," he bellowed drunkenly.

I stopped, the smile sliding off my face. "What?" I asked without turning around.

"Where've you been?" he questioned gruffly.

"Out," I replied simply, still not looking at him.

"You look at me when I talk to you." He took me roughly by the shoulder and turned me around.

"What do you want?" I asked as I stared up at him.

"Don't you take that tone with me," he slurred.

"Or what?" I shot back.

His answer came in the form of a blow. His hand came crashing down on the side of my head, knocking me to the ground. He kicked me a few times. I tried to get up, using and end-table to support me, but I just ended up bringing it crashing to the floor too, the lamp sitting on shattering.

He kicked me in the side of the head and I could suddenly hear Vanessa screaming. _What's happening?_ I thought. _Is he hurting her?_

I got my answer when he hit me again. _Nope, it's just me._

Suddenly I heard the front door bang open, there were more shouts. I couldn't tell what was happening, I was barely conscious.

It wasn't until the cool night air hit my face that I realized I had been picked up and carried from my house. I could hear sobbing somewhere nearby - Vanessa. But who was carrying me?

I must've completely blacked out for a moment because the next thing I knew, I was lying on something soft and there were more voices. I opened my eyes as much as they would allow. It was bright and my head was absolutely throbbing.

I looked around slightly. I was in the Curtis' house. Everybody was there. Pony and Nessa had fallen asleep in one of the more roomy armchairs. Vanessa's face was tear-stained. Two-bit was also asleep in an armchair, drooling. Johnny was on the floor, using his own jean jacket as a pillow. I could only assume that Soda and Darry were in there own respective bedrooms.

The light and voices in the room, I saw, were coming from the TV. But someone was missing. I looked around the room in search of Dallas. I found him. It seemed that my head was resting in his lap, his leather jacket thrown across me like a blanket. I looked up at his face to find him asleep too.

The last thing I remember before I passed out again, was the feeling of my own lips curving into a smile.


	16. Chapter 16

**Stumble**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Disclaimer** I do not own the Outsiders. Or Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows.

– _And the world's a little brighter –_

When I woke up, my head wasn't pounding quite as hard as it had been, but it still felt as though it was going to fall off. I opened my eyes and looked around. The only other person I saw was Dallas. He was staring at the TV screen and absently playing with my hair. He hadn't noticed I was awake.

I sighed softly and he looked down at me. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," I replied, surprised at how raspy my voice sounded.

"You alright?" he asked. I nodded silently but the pain that shot through my skull made me decided against doing anymore nodding. He stared down at me for what felt like a very long time before he spoke again. "Why didn't you tell me he was hittin' you?"

"He's only ever done it once before," I answered.

"He ever hit Nessa?"

"No," I said, almost surprised at the anger I heard in my voice. "I'd kill him."

Dallas chuckled. "I think you'd have to get in line behind Pony."

I smiled. "Yeah," I whispered. "He's a good kid."

Dallas nodded his head. He was staring out the window now, playing with my hair again.

"It was you that saved me, wasn't it?" I asked quietly.

He looked back down at me. "Yeah. You're lucky I was still outside, I heard that lamp break and Vanessa screaming."

"How come you were still outside?" I questioned slyly.

He gave me one of his rare, real smiles. "I'll give ya three guesses."

I smiled back up at him before looking around the room. "Where is everyone?"

"Soda and Darry are at work, everyone else is at school," he answered. "Darry made Vanessa go. She was complainin' she didn't have any clothes. Two-bit and Soda took her back to yer place. Think they were gonna sneak in a window or somethin'." I sighed as I stared at the ceiling, listening to Dallas. "You know we ain't gonna let'cha go back there."

"You guys let Johnny go home," I answered. "'Sides, we ain't got anywhere else _to_ go."

"Darry said you could stay here," he told me.

"I ain't gonna do that," I replied. "Darry's got enough to worry about."

"Then stay at Buck's," he urged. "That's where I stay." I looked up at him incredulously, not believing that he was even suggesting that. He smirked down at me. "Yeah, right, I know." He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Yer tired," I stated.

"Nah," he replied, not opening his eyes.

"How much did you sleep last night?"

He shrugged. I struggled against the pain in my body to sit up. "Hey," Dallas protested. "You should be lying down."

"So should you," I shot back, giving him a meaningful look. He smirked and moved so that he was lying on the couch. He reached his arms out and rapped them around my waste, pulling me down to lie on top of him.

I sighed contentedly as his fingers found my hair again. After a short time, the sound of his heart beat lulled me to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Stumble**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Swing Life Away by Rise Against.

– _Are we getting closer or are we just getting more lost? –_

The boys all argued when we went home a few days later, but we couldn't keep imposing on the Curtises. Dallas took us back. He went in ahead of us to make sure my father wasn't around. He wasn't.

"I still think you should at least wait till yer feeling better before you come back," Dallas said for the hundredth time as he helped me into the house.

"Dally, I'll be fine," I tried to assure him, though I could tell he wasn't buying it. "I'll stay out of his way when he's drunk."

"Like that's gonna help," he replied. "He's probably still pissed from the other night."

"He probably doesn't remember the other night," I countered.

He brought me down the hall to my room, Nessa veered off into her's. I lay down on my bed and sighed. When I looked up again, I saw Dallas looking around my room. Finally his eyes landed on me. His face was blank but I could see a question lurking behind his eyes.

"Don't even think about it," I told him before he could say anything. He didn't try to argue, or even ask what I was talking about. He just gave an annoyed sigh before turning back to my door.

"I'll see ya later, Morgan," he said and left, slamming my bedroom door a little harder than I would've liked.


	18. Chapter 18

**Stumble**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Welcome to Wherever You Are by Bon Jovi.

– _You gotta believe right here right now you're exactly where you're s'posed to be –_

I had over three hundred dollars stashed under my mattress. I didn't want to think about how many men that meant I had slept with. I wasn't even sure I wanted the money anymore. It represented something I wanted to forget. And anything I bought with it would be the same.

But if I got rid of it, not only would it be a waste of money, but it would mean that it had all been in vain.

I quickly hid the money again when there was a soft knock on my bedroom door. "Yeah?" I called. The door opened with a slight creak and Vanessa popped her head in.

"What's goin' on with you and Dallas?" she asked rather abruptly.

"Huh?" I replied, both surprised and not sure how to answer.

"Well," she began slowly. "First, you guys, like, hate each other, right? And then yer - friends - I guess. And then, I dunno, it seems like yer more than that. But then he slams the door and storms out? What's goin' on, Morgan?"

"Truthfully," I answered after a moment of thought. "I have _no_ idea."

She looked like she wanted to say more, but she just turned and left, gently closing the door behind her.

It was late, I rolled over and stared at the wall beside my bed for what felt like hours before I fell asleep.

XxXx

The next morning I awoke to yet another knock at my bedroom door, this one was much more forceful than Nessa's had been the night before. "Yes?" I called tentatively, fearing it was my father.

It wasn't. Dallas slowly entered my room.

I sat up. "Hi," I said, gently.

"Hey," he replied, not looking at me. There was silence for awhile. Then he sighed, "Look, Morgan, about yesterday-"

I shook my head, cutting him off. "Listen, forget about it," I told him. He looked up at me, his mouth still open. He looked like he wanted to say more but he didn't. I rolled over and started staring at the wall again. I could feel his eyes on me. "What happened to you?" I heard him say softly.

"What d'you mean?" I questioned, not looking at him.

"The first night I met you, you were sarcastic and cruel," he told me. "Now it's like you don't even care."

I lay there and thought about his words for what felt like a very long time. "Do you ever think that maybe things happen for a reason?" I suddenly asked.

"What?" he replied, thrown by my sudden change of subject.

I rolled over and looked at him. "Do you ever think that maybe things happen for a reason?" I repeated. "Y'know, like, fate or something?"

"I dunno," he answered, coming to sit on the edge of my bed. "D'you?"

"Yeah, I think I do," I said.

"How so?"

"Well, I mean, a lot of shitty things have happened to me, but they've all kinda resulted in something good," I reasoned.

"Something good?" he questioned. I knew what he was thinking, I couldn't find much good in my life, either.

"When my mom died, it was - terrible. But if she hadn't, I wouldn't have ended up at Buck's that night. And that's when I met you for the first time.

"If my dad hadn't of beat me that first time I wouldn't have needed out so bad, I wouldn't have gone to Buck's and...well y'know. And if I hadn't done that than I wouldn't need yer help and I wouldn't know you like I do.

"And, as much I love having Nessa back, God know's it been hard trying to support, especially since I can't tell her how I do it. But, if she hadn't come back, she wouldn't have become friends with you and the guys and I wouldn't know any of you."

"You realize that that all leads to you knowing me," Dallas said, giving me and unreadable look.

"Well, yer something good."

Suddenly, those rare genuine smiles of his, didn't seem so rare anymore.

**This eighteenth chapter marks the longest story (chapter-wise) I have ever written. You've all just witnessed history in the making**.


	19. Chapter 19

**Stumble**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls.

– _And I feel a weakness coming on –_

I couldn't believe I was back there. But he'd told me he would protect me, wouldn't let me do anything stupid. But could he protect me from himself? At the moment, it didn't seem like it. Granted, I was enjoying myself more this time than I ever had before...

But it was wrong all the same.

Dallas kissed my neck lightly. I didn't know he could be this gentle. But it was wrong, I had to keep reminding myself.

I opened my eyes. "Dallas, stop it," I whispered. I barely heard myself and was slightly amazed when he pulled away from me.

"What?" he asked, looking down at me.

"I can't do this," I told him.

He got of me and sat on the edge of his bed. We were in his room at Buck's. "Why not?"

I leaned my head back into his pillow and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath before answering. "I've been with a _lot_ of guys, you know that. And because of it, sex doesn't mean anything to me anymore." I looked up at him to see him giving me an intense stare. "I want my first time with you to mean something, Dallas. I don't wanna just have sex with you, I wanna make love to you. And I can't do that right now."

He looked down at his mattress and nodded his head. "Okay."

I smiled softly. Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my head against his shoulder. I felt his arms wrap themselves around my back, as he lay his head on my shoulder.

I needed to know I could trust him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Stumble**

**Chapter Twenty**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Don't Go by Hope Partlow.

– _He remembers how he's not supposed to feel –_

Dallas had been avoiding me. For almost two weeks. And I didn't know why. Every time I saw him, he wouldn't look me and in the eye and make up some lame excuse about having to go do something-or-other.

And I was left behind.

Truthfully, it scared me a little bit. Why was he doing this? Had he given up on me? I didn't know what I would do if I didn't have Dallas to keep me grounded.

I decided I would confront him about it. I went to the Curtis house to see him sitting on the couch. He looked up at me and quickly looked away. "Dally, can I talk to you?" I asked, not giving him time to leave.

"Uh, yeah, sure," he said, trying and failing to sound cool.

He followed me out onto the porch and leaned on the railing. We were silent for a moment. It was the first awkward silence there had been between us in a long time. He just stared across the street as I stared at him.

"What's goin' on?" I finally asked.

"What do you mean?" he replied, still not looking at me.

"You know exactly what I mean," I shot back. "Why have you been avoiding me? You got another girl or somethin'?"

That's when he looked at me, shock present on his face. "No," he said forcefully. "There's no other girl."

"Than, what is it?" I persisted.

"Look, Morgan, I can't do this anymore," he told me.

I felt my stomach drop and my throat swell and my heart break. He was leaving me? Just like that?

I felt tears in my eyes and I took a deep, shuddering breath. He looked at me again. There was something in his eyes. Something I couldn't quite place, but it wasn't hatred or disgust or anger or even pity. It wasn't something you'd expect to see in the eyes of someone ending a relationship.

His arm moved and he almost reached out to me, but he clenched his fist and his arm dropped back to his side.

"Why?" I croaked. It was all I could say.

"Because," he seemed to be picking his words very carefully. "Because when people see me with you, they think things, and..." He trailed off, but he didn't need to say more.

"It's because of your reputation," I said. "It's because you're scared! You're scared that when people see us together they think you've gone soft! Well, you wanna know the truth, Dallas? It doesn't matter what they think because you're a coward!"

He didn't yell back. He didn't even look mad. He just left.


	21. Chapter 21

**Stumble**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Stumble by Natasha Bedingfield.

– _How you stumble round those words –_

I was curled up on my bed. I hadn't left my room in nearly a week. I knew Vanessa was worried about me. I hadn't been eating, I hadn't been speaking, I'd barely been moving.

I couldn't believe I'd lost him.

Suddenly, there was a knock at my door. "Go away," I called. I didn't want to see anyone.

My door opened anyway, though. It was Dallas. He slowly came in and closed the door behind him. "Morgan," he said softly. "I'm sorry." I think I'm the first and only person to get a genuine apology out of Dallas Winston. He just stared at me. When I didn't say anything he continued. "I don't even know why I'm here. I mean, I know _why_ I'm here, but I don't think it matters. I could beg for your forgiveness all day and it wouldn't matter. You deserve better than me."

I stood from my bed and continued to stare at him. "You were right Morgan. I am scared. I'm scared that for the first time in my life, something's happening to me that I can't control." I took a step towards him. "But the truth is that I - I - I l- lo..."

His voice trailed off as I put my finger to his lips, silencing him. "I know," I told him. "Me too."

I leaned forwards and our lips met. I lost myself in that kiss. I wanted it to last forever, but -

"Sorry to break up this tender moment," Vanessa's voice said. "But I've got bad news."


	22. Chapter 22

**Stumble**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**Disclaimer** - I do not own the Outsiders. Or Ohio is for Lovers by Hawthorne Heights.

– _Spare me just three last words "I love you" is all she heard –_

Vanessa wasn't lying when she said she had bad news. It turns out that a teacher at school had overheard her and Pony talking about our father. She had called child services. We were being taken away.

I had told them everything when they'd come to our house. I knew there was no getting out of it. I was sixteen, what could I do? So I told them everything. If my father was going to jail, it wasn't going to be for child abuse. It was going to be for murder. He was going to get what he deserved after what he'd done to my mother.

But all of that faded from my mind as I stared up into those no-longer cold blue eyes, fearing it would be the last time I ever did so. The social worker, despite the fact that she was ruining our lives, was very nice and had allowed us to say goodbye. Only feet away, Nessa stood sobbing in Pony's arms.

"Maybe it's that fate thing again," I finally said, hardly able to keep the tears out of my eyes. "Maybe I was meant to stumble here, just so you could pick me back up. And who know? Maybe we'll both get our happily-ever-after."

"I don't wanna lose you," Dallas said, his voice pleading.

"Don't think of it as losing me," I replied. "Think of it as letting me go."

"I don't wanna let you go," he said.

"I wish we had a choice," I answered, the tears beginning to fall. He pulled me into his arms and I cried into his chest.

"Okay, girls," the social worker said softly. "I'm sorry but it's time to go."

I pulled away from Dallas and looked up into his eyes again. He kissed me. That kiss said all the things that we never could.

I pulled away from him and looked around at the gang. Five guys standing back, watching two of their own doing to hardest thing they'll ever have to do. Say goodbye to the girls they love.

I turned to my sister and grabbed her hand. Together we backed up towards the car, both of us crying. I looked at Dallas one last time, he looked back. I knew in that moment that I loved him wholly and completely, but I also knew that I was going to have to survive being apart from him.

In two years I would be eighteen, I would get custody of Vanessa, we would come back.

With that thought I got in the car.

And I left.

**The End**

Thank you to everyone who stuck with me this long! I think I can safely say that this is the best thing I have EVER written. I've never been so proud of my own work.

To my reviewers, I love you, you are amazing, thank you so, so much for being my inspiration!!

Until We Meet Again,

Rachel


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